How do you deal with people's comments without being completely rude about it?Dealing with People and their parenting 'advice' ?
Sometimes rude is needed, lol (kind of). Not that you should tell them to ';shut the F up';, but sometimes nice can only go so far.
I've had to say ';If I really needed the advice I'd ask for it. Please don't offer anymore'; when people have been too stinkin' dense to understand my subtle hints. Otherwise, tell them that you feel as though you are being put down as a mother.
One time when a lady told me I should be breast feeding my oldest and that formula is a poor subsitute (I couldn't because he was losing weight on breast milk alone), I started crying and held my son out and said ';Since you think you are so much better, YOU feed him!'; She sure did shut up and move on quick!
But most of the time, you can get by with ';Thanks, but I think I'll just stick with what I'm doing. I know my baby best';.Dealing with People and their parenting 'advice' ?
LMAO, are you sure you want advice on how to deal w/these no-it-all parents or are you just blowing off steam?
Anyway, if you want it or not here it is:
Take it with a grain of salt. Not every no-it-all response is really a no-it-all response, just w/how flat and emotionless type can be, it's hard to see the sincere responses trying to help or offer their experiences w/those who are just snooty, do-it-my-wayers. Heck, even those you may be able to take something from, such as the way you do not want to talk to people.
Btw, I agree breast milk is the way to go HOWEVER, just like you I was unable to nurse my first baby for medical reasons. If you can't, you can't and nothing is going to be able to change that. If you can and choose not to that is your decision, not anyone elses.
Learn to ignore it now because people will be insulting your parenting your whole life. No one is more judgemental than mothers. Just tell them what you do with your boobs is your business.
But FYI - if it was your doctor who informed you that your baby is allergic to your breast milk, he or she is full of crap. Its pretty much impossible to be allergic to breastmilk, but they can be allergic to proteins from foods in your diet, often cow's milk. The solution is to eliminate that food from your diet. http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nb鈥?/a>
So basically your doctor is lying to you because he or she is too lazy to deal with the real problem and figured ';well I'll just tell her to formula feed.'; BUT if you do continute formula feeding, your child will still be healthy so tell those naysayers where to shove it. Or just ignore them. Or pretend to agree but don't bother listening to them. Good luck.
It's simple, ignore them. You don't have to do what they tell you to do, and they don't know what your doing in your own home. If you don't want to offend them then just say ';i'll give it a try'; and don't ever try it, the wont even know the difference. And about the breastfeeding thing just politely tell them she's allergic, if they insist then just keep insisting that she's allergic. Eventually you will learn how to handle it, I think I'm a pro at ignoring unwanted advice now!
Say thank you. Then, either use their advice, or do what comes natural to you. It'll continue, and people don't mean harm by it. It's their way of saving you the trouble of what they learned through trial and error. There's so much to parenting that doesn't come from books. You'll benefit from more than you think. At the same time, to be drowned it in is annoying. So grit your teeth and nod along. To bite back will only strain your relationship with that person - Again, a person who probably didn't mean any harm in the first place. If someone is over the top with it, it's okay to say, ';Your advice comes across more like instruction, and it's making me feel inferior.';
Tell them thank you, but let them know that this is your child and you are the mother and therefore know whats best for your child. You need to tell them that you have instincts for a reason, and can handle taking care of the child that you carried for nine months and gave birth to. You are attuned to your baby and no one has that bond with a child other then a mother. I have a mother in law that tries the same thing. I used to let her bully me, but it got old fast. Now, I give her a firm no, when she tells me what to do with my child. We are still fighting over the care of my child, but she has backed down a lot since I began telling her that I can take care of my child I've been doing it for 2 years and I know my child inside and out. Good luck. I hope this helps.
I would just tell them that they are making assumptions that they know nothing about. You do not have to take it and I would not worry about being rude. They are being rude and ignorant to you and you don't have to take it. Everyone told you to let it slide but they will not let up if you do and you don't need the stress of all of them.
Smile and nod and go about doing things the way you choose to do them. Even if your daughter wasn't allergic to breastmilk, but you CHOSE not to breast feed, it's NONE of their business. Formula is (almost) as good as breastmilk, and in your case, it's better because it doesn't make your child sick.
Ignore them. If they get pushy, throw them out.
Tell them politely thank you and smile. Just let it slide, you're going to hear comments from everyone: people you know to strangers on the street. It's just one of the things that unfortunately comes with parenting. Learn to brush it off and not let it bother you.
Simply thank them for their experience and don't ever feel you have to explain your choices to anyone. I think it's instinctual for people to want to help by telling their experiences, so try not to judge them too harshly and realize they're just trying to help. Listen to others' experiences, weigh it with what you've read, heard and believe, and then make the right decisions for you and your baby.
Are they crazy? If your going to give someone unwanted parenting advice, at least know what your talking about, LOL!
Smile and say, ';Thanks for your advice, but I'm sticking to what I believe is best for my child,'; and leave it at that. If they are persistent, just try to block them out.
Honestly you have to grow a strong backbone and know what you're doing is best for you and your baby. And if you feel the need to be rude, go for it. Some ppl, especially family, will back off once they realize you're tired of hearing it.
Smile, nod your head. You will learn to tune them out. Parents can't help it. Though you may say, ';I will never.';, in fact, that may one day, be you. I've been there. They only give their advice because they think it's the best, even if it's not.
Listen to the advice with an open mind because someday you'll hear something you can use. Being a mother doesn't automatically make you know everything about raising children.
I hear you. We had to bottle feed our child.
I just looked people in the eye and told them why we bottle fed. Then I told them that when I wanted parenting advice, I would be sure to ask them.
All the best.
ignore them everyone loves to give advice about parenting especially people that don't have kids! just ignore them, it's the easiest way to deal with them.
I agree with the others... smile and try to forget it was ever said. It's all you can do besides going berserk on them. The comments won't end any time soon either unfortunately.
I go to my ';happy place'; while they are speaking.
two palm trees, a hammock stretched between them, cool ocean breeze and white sand
then when they stop speaking, I smile and say ';thanks';
Smile, Nod and walk away and do whatever the heck you want to do. Once you walk away they will never know
Smile ignore them and do what you want.
I feel for you. My oldest is 22 now and I can still remember how mad i used to get when I would get this kind of advice. My mother in law was the biggest offender! I am sure she did it out of love for the most part, but honestly sometimes she was just plain wrong. Not just for giving the unsolicited advice, but the a lot of the time the advice itself was just plain wrong. If it is a stranger giving out the advice, I wouldnt hesitate to rip into them if the situation warrants it. You sound like me 20 years ago and I know I used to stew for hours, even days later for letting these nibnoses get the better of me. You know what, tell them this, '; I have researched what is best for MY baby and quite frankly you are out of line for sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. If it is friends or family members, I guess you have to weigh each situation and come up with an appropriate response. I think a lot of the time, people like to pretend to be experts on babies because it forces them to remember the days that they had their own newborns/babies. Those days really do pass by REALLY quickly. I can remember just like yesterday being in your shoes and now my oldest is 22! Holy crap ..where does the time go. But, try to enjoy this time with your newborn and not stew like I used to do. If the only way to avoid stewing is to tell a few people to Mind their own business...then go for it. You can always blame it on hormones! Always a good defense.
Good luck!!!
The only reason breast milk is better is because it helps you share your immune system. If you get her vaccinated early there's no reason not to give her formula.
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