Need advice from people in long term relationships/marriage.?

Is it normal to not always feel in love with my bf? I've been with him for 9yrs; it feels good to be in a relationship for this long. Especially since we're in a long distance relationship. I don't get to see him as often. There are nights that I love him and miss him. But there are times when I don't and I get annoyed with certain things. Like how lately he's been neglecting his hygiene. I'll admit that I'm a clean freak but he knows this, and when he's not clean it's a big turn off. He's a sensitive guy and don't know how to break it to him that it's really affecting me. I'm sad because it makes me feel that I love him less. Just wanted to know from other people in relationships that is it normal to have times where they don't always feel like they are ';in love'; with their significant others? Do I have to always feel like I'm in love with him?Need advice from people in long term relationships/marriage.?
No, you don't always need to feel that you are in love with him. I am in a relationship for almost 9 yrs too and I don't always feel in love. But I know I love him. Don't think anyone will always feel in love with their partner no matter how much they love because in this world, there are far too much other things like work, studies, family, friends and other distractions and stress.





If there are things that is affecting you, you should let him know so that this issue don't become a problem.Need advice from people in long term relationships/marriage.?
Yes you are normal. We all feel that way at one time or another.It is good that you are straight forward with him about hygiene issues. I think we can become lax in such things when we get too comfortable with each other. Relationships require us to think of each other and their needs as well as ours.Just like we tell each other what rings our bells sexually,we should be able to tell each other what turns us off.Honesty is the best policy,always. Good luck dear and God bless.
after nine years and your not sure?


try being alone for a while , you know single, maybe there is someone better for you!
It is completly normal. I know i've been there. You just need to pick certain things about him that you love and focus on those instead of the negatives. Also I think it's important to tell him how you feel. Honesty and Communication are the keys to a good relationship. You also need to see if the two of you can work on the relationship together. Do new things to create excitement in your relationship. Discover new things about each other, that you never knew. It might help to reignite that spark you had at the begining. Also what I do is to dress up and actually go on dates together. Like it was when I first started dating my husband. It makes me super excited to see him. I to go through phases where I don't feel in love with him, but then I do something spontaneous with him and I fall for him all over again. You shouldn't really feel like a child who's got a crush. It should feel like he's your bestfriend, someone you could tell anything to. If you feel like that, then you're in love and stop worrying. Don't try to force yourself to love him, it might be making things worse. It should be natural and uncomplicated......


Need more help e-mail me at...


vmat228@yahoo.com








Take Care,


Vicky Vazquez


(married 1 year, together for 6, mother of one)
I always know I love my husband, more every day. This concept of ';in love'; and ';love'; wasn't part of my marriage vows. We vowed ';love honor and cherish'; -nothing about ';feel in love';.
No, you don't always have to feel like you're in love with him. Sometimes people *do* fall out of love and when they are not getting along or they are growing apart--or one of them is changing and the other isn't--then relationships can fall apart.





But you sound like you still have pretty strong feelings for this guy. All relationships eventually lose the wild passion but the strongest relationships retain a mutual steady comfortable love, affection and respect.





I no longer feel that intensity of ';in love'; with my husband after 22 years of marriage, but I feel like I couldn't live without him.


Do you feel that way about your boyfriend? My husband and I have been through a lot and we have come close to breaking up seriously a couple of times. Then our son got very sick and my husband was there to help me through it, the same as I was there for him. Then I knew that our shared history was something special I didn't want to throw away. I knew I wouldn't find someone who understood me better or could come to mean more to me.





It's easier for me now to look past the small things that annoy me about him, to see the guy who is always there for me.


I'm a clean freak too and my husband can be a bit sloppy. I tend to gently and sometimes teasingly remind him to wash his hands or whatever. He takes it goodnaturedly.


You might try encouraging him in a positive way by suggesting, when he comes home from a long day, that a hot bath or shower will relax him and make him feel better, and you'd be happy to draw one up for him. Or maybe lure him into taking one with you. That's always fun. :)





Are there problems he's having that are causing him to neglect hygiene? Maybe there's something he needs to talk about. Maybe he's so busy, he's having a hard time finding time to grab a shower. Maybe he's depressed about something?





Long distance relationships make it a lot tougher to maintain feelings. Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. If you become accustomed to someone's absence, you in time probably do begin to forget those little things that connect the two of you. Is there no way you can live closer together?





To answer your main question, it is perfectly normal to feel as you do. You can love someone devotedly without that ';in love'; feeling. Does he still feel the same? Do you get to talk often? Communication has to stay open and be frequent to maintain a close relationship. You may really drift apart, otherwise.





If you're not getting what you feel you need from a relationship, the first thing you must try is just talking to him about it. That's the most important thing. And not ';you don't....anymore'; talk, but ';I feel sad because...'; or ';I miss the way we used to...'; kind of talk. You know? Not accusing him, but encouraging him to want to do things to strengthen your bond. And you in turn must ask him how he's doing and if he's happy. Talking is key.





If talking and maybe counseling don't help, a trial separation may help you clarify just how you feel about him.


I hope you can work it out and come to a better understanding of your feelings and what you're looking for.


It really sounds to me, from what you describe, that you guys just need more time together and some time to talk and reaffirm what you feel for each other.


I wish you all the luck in the world.
yes it is normal to feel this way. there are up and downs in all relationships. i have been married 17 yrs and there are days that he just annoys me and would like to kick his --- to the curb and other days that everything is just perfect. communication is the key to any good relationship and you should bring your concerns about his hygiene to his attention and let him know how it affects you.
IT'S DIFFICULT TO BEGIN WITH TO BE IN A LONG DISTANCE REALTIONSHIP ESPECIALLY FOR 9 YEARS. MANY TIMES A RELATIONSHIP BECOMES COMFORTABLE AND WE FEAR ANYTHING OUT OF OUR SENSE OF SECURITY, LIKE ENDING A RELATIONSHIP. SO I HOPE THAT YOU ARE NOT STAYING IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT BRINGS SEPERATION AND LONLINESS, BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN IN A COMFORT ZONE WITH HIM. LOVE IS AN EMOTION A BOND. SOMETIMES WE BECOME EMOTIONAL BUT THE BOND IS STILL THERE. SO IF YOU ARE QUESTIONING YOUR FEELINGS THEN YOU NEED TO RE-ASSES YOUR RELATIONSHIP. OFTEN WHEN A PERSON STARTS TO NEGLECT THEIR HYGIENE IT CAN BE A SYMPTON THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG. PERHAPS HE IS HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS HIMSELF. I THINK THAT THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR HIM AND YOURSELF IS TALK TO HIM ABOUT HOW YOUR FEELING. AFTER 9 YEARS WITH THIS MAN, IF YOU CANNOT TALK WITH HIM BECAUSE HE IS TOO SENSITIVE THINGS CAN ONLY ESCULATE. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TALK TO THE PERSON YOU ARE SUPPOSEDLY IN LOVE WITH. IF YOU CAN'T TALK WITH HIM, THAT IS ANOTHER SIGN SOMETHING IS WRONG. HONEST OPEN COMMUNICATION IS KEY IN ANY RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO LAST.


HONEY, SINCE YOU HAVE TO QUESTION HOW YOU FEEL PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO RE-EVALUATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO SPEND IT WITH SOMEONE THAT GIVES YOU ANY SECOND THOUGHTS. ASK GOD FOR SOME GUIDANCE, AND HAVE THAT TALK WITH YOUR GUY.....GOOD LUCK
Married 27 years, just so you know. There are times that my husband does something that drives me nuts! I don't love him any less, but I do get aggravated from time to time. And, on the other hand, there are things that I do that send him over the edge. What we do is wait until we are not angry or upset and let the other know, gently, that there is something that we need to work on. In terms of his hygiene, if it is that bad, it is affecting other people too. You are doing him a favor to let him know.
Well, it's natural to have your ups and downs, but you want to always know in your heart that you do truly love the person. So that if some deliciously clean and well-groomed, handsome man came to you and offered himself, you would still choose your man over him
you love him but some days you don't like him





this is normal in any r/ship everyone has good days and bad days





some days their bad habits annoys more than other days but in general you put up with it because you do love them - that makes a good r/ship





ask him he'll probably tell you that there are some days when you do things that annoy him too
yes, it is normal. you should be able to talk to him. nine years is a long time. he may be neglecting his hygiene just to see if you really do care. which means, you should talk to him, but do it gently. he is probably looking for attention from you.
Whatever happened to a committed marriage? I don't understand why people don't want to make a committment after sooo long of a time. Sure you are going to have relationship problems. Will you stick it out?
I've been married 38 years and if what you say is true you're on a winner. You need to be ';in love'; but you can't always love or like someone. Just try to be honest with your feelings and always be yourself. Don't change for anyone.