I need people advice on this please read?

Hi i am 21 and my head is all over the place.





i was sexully abused wen i was young i have never told any1 about this.





i didnt no it was wrong wat these 2 older boys was doing to me so i grew up thinking it was ok for boys to do things to me.





by the age of 12 i had had sex with boys and not really knowing what it was. I think the reason i hadnt told any1 about this is because im embrassed and scard that they will think im dirty.





Something has happened to a close member of my family and it has brought it all back for me.





i feel really dirty and like it was my fault coz i let it happen and i never once tried to stop it.





I have a 8 month old little girl and i am really happy with my partner,


i am just so scard of getting really down and causing problems for my little girl and my partner.





i just dont no wat to do. i feel like i am getting depressed more and more each day because i blame myself for letting it happen and feel dirty





what can i do to make myself feel better??





thanks for readingI need people advice on this please read?
I think you need to see a councilor, to help you understand what happened to you isn't your fault. you are not dirty, you were only a child and not old enough to make adult decisions. Seek out the help that you need, councilors are bound by a confidentiality clause and i think it would help you a great deal to talk about it. Good luck!I need people advice on this please read?
I can't imagine what you are going through - having never experienced what you have. For which I am grateful. However I have spent a great deal of my life depressed and suicidal. I've only just begun to deal with it since having my daughter which resulted in me being diagnosed with post natal depression.


Perhaps you may benefit from antidepressants, then once you have them under control and are feeling a bit more positive, try finding a councellor that you really connect with so you can try and work out some of your feelings. You never did anything to deserve what happened to you and you should not have to spend the rest of your life paying for it. If there's anything I've learnt in the last year, it's that a daughter needs her mother. Your little girl is 2 months younger than mine, just wait, you might think she's come a long way in 8 months, the next 2 months are incredible :) She's going to be in awe of the world and will be checking constantly every step of the way to see that you are there with her. If nothing else, try and help yourself so you can enjoy your daughter :) Good luck and I sincerely hope that you can sort out your head. I know it's hard, I've only just begun, it's a long road.