I will ALWAYS ans. any questions regarding drinking, because I WAS ';there'; %26amp; are ';there'; now! I'm a recovering alcoholic of 18+ yrs. Went to AA for numbers of yrs. %26amp; to Alanon for the same amt. of yrs. I know both ends of the coin. AA saved my life, Alanon saved my sanity. You ARE totally walking on egg shells from one moment to another. An alcoholic has many personality changes from a ';normal'; person one min. to an ';insane'; person the next. You never know what to expect next. They are the best at attempting to controlling others in every way they can. Where you can go, where you can't, who you can or can't talk to, %26amp; ANYONE is a total threat to them because they are so afraid someone w/say something to you about them, they you just might learn something about them! They also are just loaded w/guilt. They are well aware of what they're doing to others some of the time, but when they're in ';blackouts';, they have NO idea in this world of what they may have done or said. Mine might have had a ';bad nite'; the nite before, but he waits to see what my reactions are twds. him the next morning to see just how bad it really was. I have been married prior, met them ALLL when I was drinking, then to learn I made a mistake %26amp; ended up getting divorces. I am not married now, but have lived w/him long enuf, have gotten a lot older, am retired now, so am just staying put. I got sober after I lived w/him 2 yrs. later. Had I kept on drinking, one of us would have litterly killed the other, because all we did was fight. I had gotten sober yrs. ago %26amp; was in %26amp; out of the program for a good few yrs. I KNEW what I had to do. I was so sick %26amp; tired of being sick %26amp; tired. My adult Daughter wrote me a letter I w/keep forever. She told me she was not going to call me anymore after a certain hr. of the day as it hurt her too much to hear me talking drunk. That very letter got to my guilt so bad, I KNEW I had to quit. I could no longer hurt myself, BUT, I couldn't hurt my kids or Grandkids any more either. I asked God to take away the DESIRE. I had never done this before, but I MEANT IT. God did completely take away my desire to drink. I did learn one very valuable thing in Alanon which I've used SO MANY times during my life. An alcoholic w/blame you for things, tell you bad things about ';yourself';, you're this, you're not that, BUT, they are actually talking about themselves all the time. What they accuse you of, is actually the way they feel about themselves. Think about those times I KNOW you've too experienced the SAME EXACT THING! I learned to take an ';imaginary'; mirror %26amp; put it in front of MY face. Everything they are saying to/about me, I let him ';rave on'; %26amp; just talk to/about himself. It's ALL the very TRUTH. I KNOW just what he feels about himself. Has NO self worth, thinks very poorly about himself, but trys to project it on to me. WRONG, he's actually talking about the way he thinks about himself instead. I've used that ';mirror'; so often in my life, that it's litterly invaluable %26amp; priceless to me! Let them just rave on about themselves %26amp; you'll learn how badly they perceive themselves to actually be! It's honestly sad at times to listen to it. Alcohol is a ';legal drug'; %26amp; is no different than one you would ';inject';, ';snort'; or ';smoke';. Sadly, it's just legal instead. It is a progressive disease %26amp; is NOT going to get better, but is only going to get worse as time goes by. It is a ';killer'; drug, %26amp; in the end, it WILL kill in one way or another, hopefully not by taking another's life along w/theirs. The ONLY way to quit drinking is to totally stop %26amp; NOT pick up another drink! IF they have been drinking for a good number of yrs., it's best to have them go thru detox. IF NOT, they could have what we call D.Ts, dilerium tremurs, which could put them in a state of shock or even kill them from suddenly taking alcohol out of their systems. The very BEST way would be to go to a 30 day program %26amp; learn WHY they drink. EVERY alcoholic has a REASON for drinking, we call it an ';underlying cause';. It ALSO IS inherited. IF they went thru a program, they would work w/them to find out the reasons they drink %26amp; attempt to correct them or help them understand %26amp; change themselves. There now are meds. available to help those who want to stop drinking that could be gotten thru their Dr. IF they did want to quit. Try NOT to come out %26amp; accuse them of things, like as ';you did this or that';, instead use things like ';the things you did or said hurt my feelings, why do you want to hurt my feelings, I did nothing to hurt you, why do you hurt me';. Let them KNOW you love them, but when they are drinking they become another person completely %26amp; their whole personality changes. I've told ';mine';, I live w/an ';a.m.'; person %26amp; EVERY SINGLE AFTERNOON, I live w/a p.m. person. He KNOWS what I'm referring to. I w/NOT get into an argument w/him. I'll irnore him %26amp; eventually knowing I'm NOT going to fight, he'll stop. I HOPE I helped you. email me if you want to..YOU go to Alanon, your son to Alateen. They are the very BEST people you'd want to meet, they WILL help you....Best to you...:)Advice from people who have experience with living w/ a problem drinker?
I do HOPE you do take my ';suggestion'; %26amp; take in a few Alanon %26amp; Alateen mtgs. I just KNOW they would be of SO MUCH help to you! They are FANTASTIC FOLKS %26amp; would do EVERYTHING in their power to help you in EVERY WAY possible. Take GOOD CARE, Sue Crossen...:) I DO care!!! Email me IF you want any time!
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The best advice I can give you is to leave. Staying in this situation is bad for you and especially for your son. When things get bad there always seems to be a reversal, a ';Let's buy stuff, go places, have a great day'; period that Never Lasts. It's deceiving and even more hurtful each time it fails.
Please, think of the future, not however good the past may have been. Will it ever get better? If not, make it better yourself.
Alcoholism is a sickness; seek help for yourself and son to better understand what is happening here;Al-anon can help you find the solution and give you an idea of what you need to do. If this person won't seek help for himself you must save yourselves.Sometimes tough love works when people are faced with life altering decisions.Good luck.
Ala-non. You need this group. They are located pretty much anywhere there is an AA meetings. Lots of churches also hold this group. Its a group for family members to deal with loved ones who are alcoholics. They are professionals in this. The only way he can get sober is if HE wants it. They may be able to help you to get him to realize this. He needs an intervention. This is going to affect your children if you dont get help soon. Trust me. My mother is a recovering alcoholic.
You and your son need to start going to Al-Anon meetings. These are for people who have alcoholics in their families. They can help.
But please realise that you are supposed to protect your son - regardless if it's against his own father!!! YOU ARE HIS PROTECTOR!!!!
If there's been ANY ABUSE at all, you need to leave for your son's sake!!!
AA can help you and the boy.
Until the boy's dad sees what he is doing and knows that he has a problem and wants to do something about it, things will just get worse.
Intervention, though very drastic, may be called for.
Get help from AA before someone gets seriously hurt.
I told my husband one day...me, the kids or the bottle and he put it down. I suggest leaving maybe for a couple of days so he knows you mean buisness. hope it works out. the kid doesnt need to learn this behavior. or grow up to be like him.
leave now and take the kid
';Problem drinker';? You say you're tired of defending the guy, but you're doing it right here! He's not a problem drinker; he's an alcoholic! Accept it. You have to do what's best for you and your son. This is emotionally damaging not only to you, but also your son. Get your stuff, take your son, and LEAVE. Tell him you won't even consider coming back until he's committed to quitting drinking. And that means having a REAL PLAN to quit, not just saying ';I'll slow down or stop.'; He needs counseling, AA meetings, serious help. In the meantime, do what's best for you and your son, and leave. Look up local Al Anon and Alateen meetings in your area as well. Don't sit by while this behavior happens; that's just allowing and enabling it altogether. Also consider staging an intervention with family members and friends to help him to see that his ';problem drinking'; is really alcoholism.
You cannot change him. He will have to want to stop drinking or cut down significantly. The problem with alcohol and daily drinking (if he does) is it numbs your perception and that is why everything is happy happy one minute and manic radical the next. It dulls the mind and you truly end up seeing and feeling things that are just plain WRONG. How long has he been drinking and how frequent is it?
If for any reason you and your son are freaking out over things being thrown by your husband or you do not feel safe in your home, please get out.
I hate drinking. I used to drink everyday. My perception was so off and in my mind, because it was legal to drink and I am a grown adult, I had the right to drink whenever and whatever I wanted whether I was out and about or at home, after my children were sleeping. This ended up almost costing my career and my life and I could have forever scarred my children's mental health and their upbringing.
No one wants a drunk for a parent. And your son doesn't deserve it. It will only jade him in a way that could destroy his adult life. I am not kidding.
Please find a local Al-Anon group in your area so you can talk to others who are dealing with the same crap you and your son are dealing with. It is anonymous and you would be surprised how many other families deal with this. If you belong to a church, talk to a clergy member or someone that you trust -- counselor, friend, family member.
If it is just you and your son dealing with this alone, you need to not be ashamed or afraid to tell others you trust that you might need help one of these nights when it is so unbearable and you have to leave immediately.
i am sorry.
I remember when i was little,my dad used to have a drinking problem it was very bad he used to drink alot like everyday, sometimes even in the morning but he would definetly get drunk out of his mind in the afternoon/evening, nothing ever seemed to work for him he just didnt want to quit drinking,this happend when i was a little girl about 12-13 years old, we were getting quit anoyyed with this aswell me,my mom and my older brother (by 2 years) he used to trouble my mom alot aswell my mom was sick and tired of him just like you! he was abusive, since my dad been drinking like everyday he obviously passed away 2 weeks before my 14th birthday, it was hard going through life without but what you can do and what you should do is try to help him stop drinking talk to him about it,and tell him how drinking can be a big problem but if he doesnt than i would just leave him if he refuse's to stop the drinking,you can not change him he has to stop drinking on his own will not just saying ';i will stop drinking'; because guess what when i was little thats what my dad always said but he never did,! my life as a child sucked it was awful ill admit that, he is an alcohalic , try sending him to rehab? you should leave him and tell him you wont come back till he considers to quit drinking!
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