I would lay it all down on the table explain to him how you would want the relationship to be (using similar to what you have just explained to us) with both of you having independence etc. Then gauge his reaction- if it still I don't want to commit/take things further then I suggest to you that this is not a good match and you should walk away with your head held high.
Good luck.Relationship advice? From people over the age of 21 please? ?
Basically, you're already in a relationship based upon how much time you spend together.
Don't bring up the subject yet; just prove to him you're NOT controlling, you WON'T hold him back and you'll be supportive of him - then he'll naturally realise you're what he wants.
Talking about 'issues' always compounds problems IMO, just take actions to change the circumstances that are arising.
He made his intentions clear. If you can't go on with that, then you need to get out.
If you want a relationship, don't go sleeping with a guy who doesn't. Set your standards and live by them. It's better to alone for a while, then miserable for years.
hey! basically what u need to do is memories everything u just typed and say it to him! u have a good way with words and if i was that guy and u said to me what u just types i would be sure to let u in a little bit more!
good luck and hope things work out ur way!
He has given you his answer. Leave now... He opened the door for you now hold your head up high, be a big girl and walk through it. Go Go Go, now.
i dunno
I don't know.
idk
When i met my fiancee (5 months ago) i was in a similar position to your man. I felt reluctant to enter a relationship because of my personel experiences with relationships being brilliant at first and sour at the end (and it was always the woman's fault)
It only took me about 3-4 weeks to fully love my girl and this was purely out of my control coz i felt she was my soul mate and i could actually picture us being together forever. i didnt just jump in though i did think about it for quite a while (without letting my feelings properly known to my other half straight away).
From a guys point of view we need to feel secure enough to commit and know intrinsically that the woman loves us with purity and nothing else.
Im not trying to be BIG or anything but before i met my fiancee i had been out with a LOT of girls but this one sparked something i had never felt before as i could truly say that i love her without hesatating or stuttering or thinking about it. It was really wierd but felt sooooo right.
Were getting married in a years time after weve both graduated.
Im 22 in march
I would not end it right now, this is something that the teo of you need to discuss. I would have a serious conversation with him, and just ask him how he feels. Tell him that you are interested in moving beyond the level you are at, and ask him what he means when he says he doesn't want to be controlled. If you can both discuss it and come to a compromise, you have beaten one of the biggest hurdles in relationships. Ask him if he is happy enough with you to commit to not seeing any other people. Tell him that you enjoy his company, and would like more of it, but not all of it. When my wife and I got serious, we agreed that there would be two days a week that we would not see each other, and not talk on the phone. There would be no answering for our actions on those days, we did whatever we wanted. The only rule was that we were not allowed to see other people, IE, cheating. Something like this might be a good starting ground for you both. If you are that interested in him, talk about it with him, but if he shuns any further commitment at all, or is unwilling to compromise, move on, and don't look back.
advise from a bloke here. its good you understand and respect his point of view,if he chooses not to commit further then lets face it theres nothing you can do.but he must have some feelings for you otherwise he wouldn't meet you a couple of times a week{unless of course its just for sex,which you didn't elaborate on} you said you'd like the company that comes with a relationship,suggest maybe meeting an extra night a week? he says that he doesn't want to be controlled,which sounds like he has had a controlling relationship.ask him about his previous experience so ye can talk about it openly rather than you playing guessing games about what he wants from you.when you learn what his insecurities are reassure him that ye wont have that type of relationship.and prove that to him slowly over time.its all about communication.if ye dont have some degree of communication after three months then is it really working out? lastly,you said you dont like the idea of him being with someone else.i think after three months that goes without saying!
otherwise its really not worth it! best of luck and hope it works out for ye.
Well you just got our of a long term relationship. He obviously has some bitterness with woman at this point. I think you should try spending a little more time with him first. See where things go. Maybe see if he starts to make more of a move for you. If not maybe then ask him where he sees you two going. Just a random though. See what he has to say and see if he is into you. If not then do not tell him your feelings. Just say okay. I see this is not going to go anywhere and I would rather just be friends then let any feelings get in the way.
You will also see that your feelings are more of the fact that you want that comfortability that you had when you were in your relationship. You should stay single for a little while longer.
Just because someones over 21 doesnt mean they know everything.
Im 18 years old and Id say tell him how you feel and leave it at that.
If he doesnt want you knowing how you and him could be, you should move on.
He sounds to me as though hes had a bad past with women because why else would he believe women control men. I hate the women who do this to men.
it sounds as though your already in quite deep. Dont say anything for a while, SHOW him your not controlling as you are now as actions speak louder than words.
If the controlling thing is the only reason why he doesnt want a relationship, he should be fine. If it goes much deeper maybe you should leave it now.
I would speak to him face to face, that way you can see his expressions, tone of voice etc.
I am in the exact same situation as you. We talked about getting into a serious relationship but he said he didn't want anything too serious. We meet up regularly and get on really well so i'm not sure where we stand. I think just some guys don't like being tied down or are more independent. I don't know if this helps but iv decided to stick with him for another while because i really like him and like spending time with him and really there's not much wrong with the situation as it is. I'm hoping that he will realise that i'm not expecting his full attention 24hrs a day. There's nothing to lose by just seeing how things go! Good luck
(';,)
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