Thank YouAny advice on forgiving people?
My answer is going to come from a different perspective than many here.. Everyone faces betrayal at some point in life.
I will speak from my perspective of being a believing Jew.
I believe that forgiveness is reserved for those who are sincerely repentant. Forgiveness involves the person who has done something wrong owning up to the wrong deed, making amends, expressing regret, vowing never to do it again and seeking restitution. If your family were to do this it might be easier to justify and indeed you should feel obligated to see if you could find it in your hearts to forgive.
Judaism does not obligate me to turn the other cheek against those who wish to harm me. In fact, it is an obligation for to protect and defend my familiy, my nation and myself.
The easiest way that I can illustrate Jewish concept of forgiveness to a Christian is to think about what many Jews call the most Jewish part of the New Testament, the “Lord’s Prayer”. In it, the prayer calls to “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. This is a very Jewish concept. Before we ask God to forgive us, we are obligated to seek it from any we have offended after we have done our best to make good any wrong we committed. If we are sincere, they are obligated to do their very best to grant this. Should one come to you in sincere apology and do their best to make amends, you are obligated to forgive them. If you seek pardon and the person you offended refuses it, you have done your part. If you are turned down three times, you are not required to ask again. If you do not believe that a person was sincere in their apology, likewise, you are not obligated to grand them pardon if you have a genuine reason to believe it was not sincere. One shouldn’t take any of these behaviors lightly. Those are the steps of the Jewish way of seeking atonement to God in the days of the Bible and remain so today. Before we ask or expect God to forgive us, we do our part.
In the context of the Torah and concept of Teshuvah.( RETURN , meaning a return to a path of righteousness through repentance) ...when Jesus declares that we cannot expect God to forgive us if we do not forgive those who do wrong to us, I believe that this is speaking against witholding forgiveness from one who has been repentant..if one comes to me with sincere effort to repent and make amends, I must make the sincere effort to forgive if I expect God to do as promised and forgive me. THAT's the concept..not to forgive people as they're trying to kill you or who would just as soon do the same thing over and over to you. Self preservation is not a sin.
There is commadment in the book of Leviticus that requires Jews not to hold a grudge. That is an obligation for us not to harbor hatreds. Holding hatreds and grudges is self-destructive and allows the person who hurt you to continue to exert power over you, and perhaps inspire you to act out in rash emotionalism or do things you would later regret. One is not obligated to forgive an unrepentant person in order to satisfy the obligation to not bear a grudge. I repeat...Forgiveness is reserved for those who are sincerely repentant.
What I believe I am obligated to do by the dictates of my faith and I shall try to do to the best of my ability is to focus on my own shortcomings, to make amends wherever possible and to seek forgiveness for myself and then ask it from God. I am obligated to forgive those who come to me who are sincere in seeking pardon and who make amends for any offence done to me. I work on getting my own affairs in order and focus on the people whose lives directly touch my own. I do my best, and leave the rest to God.
I hope that this may have helped you to understand the difference in forgiving others and in recognizing that you do not have to forgive the unrepentant in order to protect yourself, learn from past mistakes, give up harmful grudges and move on. Self-preservation is not a sin, harboring hatred to others can harm you more than they harmed you to begin with. You're allowing them to maintain a power over you. Decide for yourself who is in control and recognize that even their bad examples can teach you how to be a better person. When you are able to finally remove that resentment and hate, your heart will be able to hold that much more love of life and ability to embrace the love of others.
I wish you healing and peace.
shalomAny advice on forgiving people?
It's a tough one. If you feel angry and hurt - then you feel angry and hurt. Far better to acknowledge it, and express it, then to bottle it up beneath a friendly 'smile' and 'forgiving' attitude if you don't feel that way inside.
One suggestion that really works: sit down and write this person a letter. You don't actually send it to them - you just WRITE it. Get out all your anger onto that bit of paper, and then either tear it up, or lock it away somewhere. It can be really cathartic.
If you've been let down this many times by this person, then don't put your trust in them again. Maybe once you resolve to withold your trust, which you're justified in doing, you will be able to move on :)
If you are Christian then you simply have no other choice dear
Luk 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
Luk 6:38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
Mat 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
Mat 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
If you forgive them and move on with your life, you allow God to deal with them. Whereas, if you harbor resentment and ill will for that person, it only hurts you, and inhibits God's will from being done. Just do not allow yourself to be put in that situation by that person again, and walk away from it with your head high. Forgive and forget.
its easier to stop caring first then rebuild your relationship with this person. you gotta just say ';screw it'; and just drop the situation. easier said then done but that is the first step. the second is to rebuild your relationship with this person. start with small things to rebuild the trust. time really will heal anything. the absolute worst thing to do tho is to dwell on it. all you will end up doing is getting more and more angry and eventually you will hate them...hope this helps.
Luke 6:28 ';Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.';
The Lord may have allowed this to show you who you need to pray for. Try praying for this person, you wouldn't want this person to go to hell, would you? Well, would you? OK,you don't have to answer that, but he really needs your prayers.
That is very tough, but remember, God has forgiven you and everyone else for sooo much-- to Him, it's probably the silliest thing He ever heard. He's taught us to forgive and sometimes it REALLY is difficult, but we have to somehow. Remember this-- Bitter or Better. There's a scripture about that. Try to forgive her/him, pray for God to let you forgive her/him and give you the stregnth to get over it and forgive them. Hope it helps(:
%26lt;%26gt;%26lt; (Christian Fish:)
☮ Abby
I have a book for you to read: Forgive for Good. It talks about how forgiveness is Not for the other person, it is for Your own sake. Forgiving is physically good for you. It is a great and fascinating book and will probably help you very much. It is probably available at your library, or on Amazon.com.
give it to God, and trust him to deal with it
also try to remember all of the things that happened to Jesus and he forgave them and prayed for them
if you pray for the people your mad at it will really help you, and it also shows your faith in God
It isn't healthy for your body either. Harboring resentment and anger can cause you to get sick physically. They will come outward in some sort of way, so it's better to release it and don't let it build up.
Pray and ask the Lord to remove those feelings from you and He will. Those hurts remain inside you only if you claim them. Tell yourself that you don't claim those feelings of hurt and forget about it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0is0n1gbL…
I made this video a month ago, hope this helps
i personally don't forgive but if you want to forgive don't ever forget
i would forgive them but i would not rely on them i would not be able to trust a liar.
Forgive them, but don't trust them.
We're expected to be merciful, but not stupid.
You should pity him.
First of all why should he/she think that your are holding his heels.
try to take his/her word lightly and pray to god to soften his/her heart
Have you ever smoked pot?
I had this kind of problem with a cousin of mine. We used to be really close, but she was incapable of keeping her word/promises to me (big and small). I can't see her anymore because I simply cannot ever trust her again. But I still love her and miss her. I forgive her for what she did, but it would be ignorant of me to stay in a relationship with her: I would only be setting both of us up for failure.
With my cousin, I just had to accept that she is who she is: a very carefree, careless person. She never meant to hurt me (despite her admitting that she did what she did with full awareness of what we had talked about), but she did. I know that, and knowing that helped me get past it.
I will never have a relationship with her again (I won't ever forget), but I did forgive her: she can't help how she is, and she is currently incapable of changing. I don't know how helpful this is, but I think it is vital to go through exactly why it bothers you and move from there. Understanding may make it easier to understand what role you played (as I said, I set myself up to have her break her word).
I'm not going to say I know the only way to forgive people but this is how I break it down. Forgiveness lies in taking responsibility for your own part in creating this situation. You harbor resentment toward this other person because you are taking on the role of victim, i.e. they did this to you. You have a family member who lies and repeatedly breaks promises. And yet you seem surprised when they continue to do so. This is as much your own fault as it is anyones and when you accept that you will find that there is no longer any need to forgive because they have done nothing TO you. Instead you are left with the much more challenging prospect of figuring out why you put yourself in this situation in the first place, what lessons you should be learning from it, and what behaviors you should be changing in order to avoid it in the future. Ultimately maintaining an emotional attachment to past events is only going to rob you of the ability to be fully present in the now. Use this. Take responsibility for it. Learn from it. Let it go.
Nothing happens TO you. You are the cause of everything that happens in your life, whether you realize it or not. The man who gets hit by the car, chooses to cross the street. In one way or another he is the cause. You can choose to be a victim. This is a choice. Or you can simply choose not to be. It takes practice and patience but when you begin to take responsibility for the things that happen 'to' you, you are empowered to change them.
Take this another direction an you arrive at your own emotional responses to this person. You say things like 'this person makes me feel hurt, upset, and confused'. In fact that person is not the cause of those feelings. You are. Some expectation or belief that you have has come in to conflict with this persons actions or words. This is the true source of the feelings. Your own expectations and your own beliefs. No one can MAKE you feel angry. You may be not be able to control your own feelings of anger but that is, again, your own responsibility.
So ask yourself who you should really be resentful toward. Who should you really be angry at? This other person for behaving in a consistently immature way, or yourself for believing that maybe this time would be different and continuing to associate with that person or have any faith in what they might have to say; for not seeing in the moment what seems obvious in retrospect?
Hope that helps.
Shane K.
you are dealing with a promise breaker not a promise keeper.
take what this person says with a grain of salt - perhaps it will mentally taste better.
For example If I know that is a poisonous snake and if I handle it I will get bitten then sick and die, I will not handle that snake.
Do not feed into the promises. Do not let a person paint a pretty picture that is an illusion to be forgiven or mislead.
There is a Chinese say that goes; '; Good intentions do not fill the water pail';.
A person may be of good intent and believe what they are saying but cannot fulfill their words. This does not make a person a bad person usually just a person that is selfish and/or wants peace, love, and acceptance at any cost at least in the moment will say almost anything.
Be careful if this person drinks or drugs. This can go on for years. They know they hurt you and may stay away long enough for you to miss them and let ';it'; go.
I agree ';let it go'; but there are groups to go to that will help.
Judy, people who pray do pray for forgiveness. But even if you don't pray, it can take time and patience before anger dissipates. Try to notice yourself getting worked up over whatever makes you feel angry, so that you can get up and turn your attention to something else. Try not to ';live'; in those feelings. That can be hard, but it's a really good habit to develop.
Keeping as active as possible also helps. It passes the time, and lifts our moods. Sometimes you may get angry again from time to time, but like nicotine cravings, those episodes gradually get less and less until one day you realize they're gone.
Good look. And remember to laugh. There are a lot of funny sites on the Web.
I've rarely been very angry for very long, but there was one time where I was so angry at someone, I couldn't even stand to hear the name of the CITY in which the person I hated lived (he was the only person I knew there). And all the time I was only making myself, and my long-suffering loved ones, miserable.
Once that was over, I said ';Never again.';
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